genuinely
i'm just a complete and utter {REDACTED} I cannot grasp the most basic shit and concepts and have always been a slow thinker and my cognitive abilities have just been declining over the years. I think my only calling in life is to be a wagecattle. I'm actually excited to drop out and become a night stocker at a grocery store or whatever night job I can get. I mean, the last time I got a good grade in a math class (over a C) was in 6th grade. In my senior year of highschool I *did* get an A in fuckin financial math, but I don't count that because it was mostly extremely basic algebra and was mostly a class for dumbasses anyway and most of the problems were real world problems around saving and shit. I failed geometry and nearly failed biology in 10th grade, and when I took a class to make it up we were just on chromebooks the whole time- and this was around the time chatgpt JUST came out or at the very least started getting popular (around 2023) so i could easily just use that behind my chromebook like the little sewer rat I am. Also looking back the other classes I took were laughably easy. I took food science which was incredibly easy, food & fitness which was just light PE 3 times a week and cooking the other two days. I took fuckin POWER WALKING one year LOL. And then my senior year I took interior design (lmao). it was easy but I did hate it cause (you can guess the obnoxious kinds of people that would take such a class). history classes were always baby easy, and English classes have always come easy to me. I can play piano and guitar but barely to a mediocre degree. I can draw okay I think, and I'm okay at music production, but like everything else it's mediocre, takes me forever to do, and the biggest problem is I don't even enjoy it. I get obsessed over it. whenever I play piano for example it'll take me like a week or two to learn a song, but then i'll try to record it and I'll take weeks consisting of sitting on the piano for hours re recording it over and over, hitting myself because I make one tiny mistake. And when i finally get a good recording it's still not even that good. bad tempo or I hit the notes with too much or too little force. and now I'm in college and still picking easy classes because that's all my brain can handle, and my parents say "you're doing such a good job!" and it disgusts me.
